you know when you have probably hurt someones feelings, but they wont talk to you about it, so they are just ignoring you and you dont know what’s wrong, and at first you are like fuck that they are the ones acting like a baby but then you think no I will reach out to them so you do and they ignore you and you are like what the fuck do you want from me and the whole situation is so frustrating you want to just close the door on them forever but you cant because its one of those “you can’t fire me, I quit! situations”  and the whole thing started probably from one tiny misunderstandings.

If I were to drive from Sydney to Darwin, it takes around 45-47 hours, road trip fun! I hear ya.

But is it worth it? financially and in wear and tear on my car?

the other option i would consider (am not selling car!) is getting it transported which costs around $1500, and then fly up.

It would take me a week of driving so there would be accomodation to think about as well as petrol..

its at least a year away! I am over thinking this…

So I am feeling pretty sick right now, trying not to vomit. It could be that all i have had to eat today is Cadbury’s pepermint chocolate, or it could be that I am on the verge of making a very big life desision, which had i made slightly earlier, would have been easier finacially.

My amazing Mum has just retired from a 38 year nursing career,  where she has been a midwife, a child and family health nurse and much more, all while raising 4 kids and working shift work and two jobs at once sometimes, and very recently in her mid to late fifties working from 7:30 in the morning until at least 5:30 in the evenings. its taken a massive toll on her health, the sporadic oppertunities to eat has left her with diabeties (also related to not making good food choices and not enough exersize) as well as a knee replacement.

she is an amazine and inspiring woman, with a wealth of knowledge when it comes to babies, which she loves sharing. My cousins are usually dropping by for baby advise from Aunty Bev, it I feel amazingly useful just bringing over my pregnant friends for a chat with my mum. She is truely incredible.

If Plan A was in full force she would have several grandbabies to goo and gah over but alas my life is currently somewhere around the plan D.3 or something.

and so at age 30 (and a half) with no opportunities to deviate back to plan A on the horizon, I have begun the planning for plan E or somewhere around there, and with the legacy of her 38 year career seemingly hovering over me (but offering down a ladder) I have decided to take my life in the direction of midwifery.

there will be studying to do and low low income. If i had decided this a few months ago, I would not be burderned with paying back a car loan.  but as the engraving on the back of my mums retirement gift watch says, “Carpe diem”